Supreme Clientele Album Review

I told you last time I was on a Ghostface kick, and this has not changed. But why…why, you may ask, why do two Ghostface albums back to back instead of focusing on the rest of the Clan? I don’t know…Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why did Judas rat to Romans while Jesus slept?

This seemingly random set of questions (ahem…its not random) actually leads me to my next point. I’ve been wanting to review Liquid Swords for a while now, but the songs are still in the process of growing on me, so I don’t want to give that one a review till I know exactly how well done it is (given the fact that some name it as a top 10 all time hip hop album). So, instead, you get this.

Supreme Clientele Album Cover

Feel gracious, because this album is GIGANTIC, and it really becomes a pain in the ass to review anything higher than 15 tracks.

INTRO

Ghostface runs with the whole Ironman/Tony Starks theme by using a soundclip from the Ironman cartoons.

NUTMEG (8)

This beat is much more what I was expecting when I was reviewing Ironman in terms of sampling, but I won’t gloss over the negatives; the drum loop during the verses is at that short length where it is repeated an excessively annoying amount of times (even if it does kick ass during the hook). In a step above Ironman, Ghost raps aggressively and energetically about nothing, sticking to his guns, so this ends up sounding really good, in addition to the fact that RZA somehow sounds good over the length of a full verse.

ONE (7)

Ditto goes for the sample here (minus the part about the loop being too short). I don’t know about you, but I’m usually a fan of short vocal samples mixed into songs, but the fact that Ghost ignores the “one” in the background which appears in every other bar instead of every couple actually really frustrated me. If not for that, this might have been an 8.

SATURDAY NIGHT (8)

Though it might not seem like much, I feel like more people should include interludes like this; how hard is it to slip a sub-2 minute track of high intensity spitting over a tense beat into your album?

GHOST DEINI (6)

For a song about a nickname as awesome as Ghostdeini the Great, this is kind of …boring. I can’t really blame Ghost for that, as it’s more of a byproduct of the beat, which sounds like it is rocking you to sleep so that it can hold a pillow over your head.

APOLLO KIDS (9)

MUCH better. Ghost and Rae, or, as I have since learned from a comment, I can now say RAGU since it means Rae and Ghost United, rip shit aggressively over a beat that shifts in and out of a descending and rising loop, which keeps the emotions moving. All of the above makes this an entertaining listen.

THE GRAIN (8)

2 minutes of RZA and Ghost ripping aggressively over an unadulterated breakbeat. WHAT IS MORE HIP HOP THAN THIS? The singing, however, is funny the first time but starts to wear on you eventually.

BUCK 50 (8)

I could write a bunch of stuff about this song, including the fact that I’m actually ambiguous about the siren-sounding part of the beat, disappointed in how bad Cappadonna is upstaged by EVERYONE on here, and the like, but I’d rather just say that Redman’s line “your weed has more seeds than ODB” is HILARIOUS.

MIGHTY HEALTHY (9)

Also, mighty fucking awesome. Does this beat remind anyone else of El Indio’s pocket watch?

I mean they’re obviously not the same, but they do both kick ass.

WOODROW THE BASSHEAD (SKIT)

A 3 minute skit? Really?

STAY TRUE (8)

Remember my previous comment about short and awesome strictly rapping interludes and their absence on most albums? Ghost has two of them. WHAT NOW

WE MADE IT (7)

4 minutes is way too long for a song that’s kind of just there. While this song isn’t necessarily bad, it’s songs like this that have a tendency to bog down massive albums like this one, which is usually what makes them a bitch to review. Basically, I secretly want there to be less songs like this.

STROKE OF DEATH (DB)

Even though Ghost attempts to include a THIRD short interlude, this beat is so insanely (and intentionally) annoying that it’s unreal. Basically, this beat is the musical equivalent of this asshole:

Ya I just went there.

IRON’S THEME

As a rule, Ghostface’s singing will always be relatively funny. That doesn’t change the fact that this is a skit, however.

MALCOLM (8)

For a educational song, the beat here is surprisingly entertaining…I feel like I’ve never heard anyone rap over straight lounge music before…that is, except for Richard Cheese:

WHO WOULD YOU FUCK? (SKIT)

What is this middle school? (Yes.) I’m not gonna lie, though, it is funny to just be talking about fucking celebrities that will potentially end up hearing this.

CHILD’S PLAY (8)

Well the title comes from the fact that Ghost uses child-babble to craft a song for the ladies, and somehow the beat actually fits that description well if that’s a possibility. For some reason, given my general tastes, it’s surprising that I don’t hate this song. Actually, I kind of liked it.

CHERCHEZ LA GHOST (DB)

Dear god was this awful. If you insist upon a Ghostface radio song where the singing takes the forefront, then go with this one instead:

WU BANGA 101 (8)

While this lacks the intensity of Buck 50, this is its lyrically-influenced brother, which pretty much qualifies this as a track that is worth your time.

CLYDE SMITH

Skit notable for Ghost and Rae calling out 50 Cent for “How to Rob”, adding him to the ever-growing list of people they just don’t like. Incidentally, I forgot to mention Mase is on that list, since Ghost notes earlier in the album that he punched him and broke his jaw. Oops.

IRON’S THEME (CONCLUSION)

Two skits in a row? Getting ballsy, are we?

A Clan sophomore album…risky territory?

This is widely referred to as the best sophomore album out of the Clan. Those wide referrers are right.

Better than Ironman?

Yes. BUY THIS.

When’s the next post coming out?

Uhhhh…I think you have the wrong number.

Ironman Album Review

If you randomly decided to check this ISSS at 2 AM on a Friday Night/Saturday Morning, congratulations, here’s some new stuff.

In fact, you may continue to see random assortments of posts like this throughout the week because my stupidass schedule is stupid and an ass. It is finals week and I only have a final on Tuesday and a Thursday, meaning I am stuck here for no reason, doing nothing, and getting frustrated about it. But enough about that bullshit (any more of it and this might downgrade from an ISSS into a blog), let’s get into the music. It’s the muthafuckin Wu.

Ironman Album Cover

IRON MAIDEN (7)

While this album starts with some movie dialogue and includes Rae and Cappadonna on the album cover, this is no Cuban Linx. Rather, the beat here is more soul-influenced in its instrumentation, with glossy horns as the most overpowering part of the beat and even a orchestra hit (technically it’s horns, but if I said band hit I feel like noone would know what I was talking about) in the background, which matches up with the fact that the movie dialogue is from a blaxploitation film. As far as the song by itself goes, it’s alright, with its upbeat pace keeping it worthwhile, but it’s not Ghost’s best work.

WILDFLOWER (6)

Ghostface pulls his whole ‘I’m going to say the most outrageously sexually explicit things possible’ shtick (as he would later do in Gihad and Mean Streets on OB4CL2 to name a few), and while this is funny at first (at least for those who have as immature a sense of humor as I do), it doesn’t disguise the fact that this song somehow gets boring within the span of its short length

THE FASTER BLADE (8)

Ghost returns Rae’s Cuban Linx favor (I hate to keep comparing the two but these weird lines of comparison keep popping up) by giving Rae a solo song, much as Rae gave Ghost ‘Wisdom Body’ on OB4CL. For my money, this is the better song, and it doesn’t hurt that this is the best beat thusfar on the album.

260 (8)

Although the beat is more laid-back than the frantic style I expect out of Ghost, Ghost’s lyrics here pretty much perfectly fulfill my connotation of his average verse: Completely random references (a bit less obscure than MF DOOM maybe, but probably even more loosely related) integrated in a stream of consciousness style, yet the whole time some plot or storyline is progressing, which is easy to forget given the way Ghost jumps around…hell, if he didn’t start his verse by kicking a door down, I probably wouldn’t have noticed it at all.

ASSASSINATION DAY (DB)

This was actually INCREDIBLY BORING. The beat makes me want to fall asleep instead of finishing the album, and for whatever reason Ghostface is NOTICEABLY MISSING, leaving me wondering how I’m still awake at this point.

POISONOUS DARTS (7)

At least Ghost is back. This beat is incessantly repetitive (although not as bad as the last one), leaving me to wonder whether RZA even gives a shit about this album. Ghost tries his hardest to bring this back to an impressionable level, but I just can’t get my mind off the fact that RZA somehow sounds…inexperienced. On 36 Chambers, he is as grimy as can be, on Return to the 36 Chambers he’s dusted out, on Liquid Swords he’s atmospheric, on Cuban Linx he’s lurking, but one here? In all honesty it feels like RZA (at this point) didn’t know how to flip a poppier, uplifting soul track like Kanye (in his prime) might, which is saying something given that Kanye credits RZA for influencing his chipmunk soul style. Oh well…at least this problem was not as present on Supreme Clientele…maybe I should have went for that.

WINTER WARZ (9)

Cappadonna pulls a Sleepy Floyd, pulling a career performance pretty much out of his ass apparently just by deciding to try really hard, leaving everyone scratching their head. WHERE DID HIS VERSE COME FROM? This impresses me to no end, and now I have a reason to push forward. Let’s do it for Cappadonna…and Sleepy Floyd.

BOX IN HAND (8)

While this beat is much better than that of Poisonous Darts and Assassination day, this still isn’t an exception to my comments…because the soul sample is a little more depressing, a little grimier, and a little dustier, RZA excels, especially by including those little random piano fills throughout. If not for Cappadonna’s performance on the last song, this would probably be the best song thusfar.

FISH (7)

Apparently RZA read this post back in time, as the production on the last 3 has picked up noticeably. The song is a little too laid-back for my liking, though, at least when I’m listening to Ghostface.

CAMAY (DB)

My God, I didn’t know Ghostface could make songs this BORING.

DAYTONA 500 (9)

This song is AWESOME. The video is AWESOME. This album is apparently the Godfather III, because ‘just when I thought I was out…it pulls me back in’.

And THANK YOU for a track with some energy…now I’m awake enough to do some forever shit like pissing out the windows on turnpikes.

MOTHERLESS CHILD (6)

Apparently Ghostface is Athena. Who knew?

BLACK JESUS (8)

How COURTEOUS of Ghostface…I wanted to bring this clip back anyway, and now I can do it without even stretching my reason for doing so thin.

What this song has to do with Black Jesus beside Popa Wu’s psychobabble bullshit in the beginning I have no clue, but at least it’s pretty good. I’m actually embarassed FOR U-God, though, for using ‘vagina’ as the rhyming word in an even bar. I mean I knew it was coming, and I was still hoping he wouldn’t say it just because I knew it would sound RETARDED (which it did).

AFTER THE SMOKE IS CLEAR (7)

It’s no surprise that RZA makes this beat better than those in the first half, given the borderline ghoulish wailing/harmonizing in the background, but for some reason the drums are too overbearing and they’re pretty unnatural sounding, almost like RZA got the loop by hitting on a musically tune scratch that I have NO CLUE what instrumentation RZA used for this drum loop, but it’s a little too jarring.

ALL THAT I GOT IS YOU (8)

Ghostface’s rap about his mother. You should know by now that I can value the merit of these songs, but they’re not exactly a fan favorite. The strings also make this depressing as shit. Like seriously. This song is really depressing. Depressing.

THE SOUL CONTROLLER (DB)

This is interesting to say the least. The beat is so far out there and so different from anything else on the album, yet it somehow includes all of the influences found throughout the rest of the album, including positive soul, some R&B, traditional Eastern Wu influence…in all honestly I could probably write a page about the beat itself, but I’ll do both you and I a favor and let you listen to it on your own and see what I mean. At 7 minutes, however, it’s COMPLETELY BLOATED, especially with the unnecessary movie dialogue at the end, and also given the fact that Ghost’s verses (which are only decent) end at like 3 minutes anyway. That by itself pretty much ruins the song for me.

MARVEL (8)

RZA goes with a more traditional approach on the beat here, using a nicely pulsing bassline combined with an Eastern-influenced higher register sound, and as such this is much more familiar territory. For whatever reason, though, RZA (or Ghost…not sure which) decides to let the beat run AGAIN, this time for 2 and a half unnecessary minutes after the verses end.

This was…

To be brutally honest, I was kind of disappointed with this. Ghost’s frenetic energy is sorely missed on many a track throughout this, and if not for the big name tracks (Winter Warz, Daytona 500, Box In Hand), this album might actually be kind of…bad?

So I take it it’s not a buy?

No. I say burn without trepidation.

Nice SAT word, asshole.

Please…I’m past that point.

What’s next, then?

Welp, I’ll probably do either Supreme Clientele or The Big Doe Rehab sometime later this week, because this album didn’t end up giving me the Ghost fix I need.

FIGHT NIGHT: T-Rex vs. Math

And we return, once again, to Fight Night. Or, if you really wanna be a dick about it, Fight Early Morning since it’s after midnight as I’m writing this. Asshole.

You have no idea how pumped I am to be writing this. Now, this battle took place on Halloween, so in addition to the fact that this battle has been in the works for a while, there is also the natural buildup that occurs when it’s kept under lock and key since then. I won’t show you the videos of them hyping this up and talking shit to each other beforehand, because, as a rule, those are always painfully obnoxious. Except for this one, which is kind of funny.

Heading into this, I expected T-Rex to be a medium sized underdog. I almost said slight underdog just because its a phrase everyone’s accustomed to hearing and it rolls off the tongue, but I don’t play to anyone’s expectations. I play below them. So ya, T-Rex was a decent underdog. A solid underdog. An average underdog.

But could he pull it out? (The battle, not his penis.)

QUICK SIDE NOTE: I don’t know what the deal is, but youtube has been running shitty for the last week or so, so if you want to see the battle on a page that loads better and actually has better quality video, go here. Other than that, for the sake of embedding, I will still insert the youtube videos in this post.

ROUND ONE

T-Rex: 8

Math: 7

Three Pointers: None

After Round One, T-Rex opens an early, though small, lead. Although this round had some halfway decent lines (there wasn’t any point where I didn’t feel like the next line couldn’t put points on the board) this is kind of a low scoring round for a battle of this caliber, so I wouldn’t be surprised to see one of the two start opening things up in the next round. As for that, we’ll see if T-Rex can continue to score with some consistency. Although he doesn’t really score as many 2’s as Math does, he does have a faster flow, allowing him to get more lines off. Math, on the other hand, has the greater chance at going big with a 3 or so, which gives him some gamebreaking ability.

ROUND TWO

T-Rex: 6

Math: 9

Three Pointers: None

A disappointing round from T-Rex to begin with. This is the second time in a row he’s bitched about the fact that Math is headhunting Mook at the same time as he’s battling T-Rex (and who can blame the man…if you can pull of that multitasking, then good for him), and then IMMEDIATELY AFTER HE WHINES ABOUT IT, he uses the NEXT LINE to talk about how tight he is with Mook. HUH? Not only that, but T-Rex ends at least a solid 10 seconds before the round ends, and acts as if it’s no big deal that he just ran out of shit to say. Was his last line good? Yes, but not 10 seconds of silence good. Math, on the other hand, pulled out some but not all of the stops, and basically shit on every physical attribute T-Rex has, always a solid game plan. Getting personal will get you 2 pointers, and how can you NOT make fun of someone who looks like a middle schooler with puberty weight gain and says they’ll kill the shit out of you? (See? Not even I could resist). I AM still waiting on a three pointer though.

ROUND THREE

T-Rex: 7

Math: 11

Three Pointers:

“By the way…what the FUCK is that shit on the side of your face?
Is it a bump? Is it a tumor, that won’t go away?
Can it talk? Does it talk to you? Well what does it say?
Right now it’s probly like ‘Rex don’t let him talk about me like that
Fight back…Say something that ain’t real, that’s what you nice at!
We supposed to be boys, it’s time for you to ride
You know if you got a problem, I’m always by your side” – Math

Needing a comeback, T-Rex ends up spitting just another average verse…actually exactly average since he scored 21 through 3 rounds, while Math pulls out ALL the stops, including a three pointer about an apparently visible growth on the side of T-Rex’s face. Apparently, this guy is the least physically gifted person in the world, because his mere existence has supplied Math dozens of lines about how ridiculous he looks.

FINAL SCORE

MATH – 27

T-REX – 21

In a solid beating, Math takes this one 27 to 21…and the thing is, he had a couple unnecessary interludes where he really didn’t score points (including the T-Rex as Burglar plotline and the Blood on the Tims story), meaning that he kind of took it easy on T-Rex and still beat up on him. I won’t lie, T-Rex did better than I thought, but any time you can re-name the act of one’s dick getting soft as a verb named after your opponent? Pretty damn funny.

Random Awesome video time:

Power Of The Dollar Album Review

Yup, you read that right. Now pick your jaw up off the floor (you don’t know what’s on the bottom of people’s shoes…that’s just plain unsanitary), and read this shit (although that sounds unsanitary too).

Power Of The Dollar Album Cover

INTRO

Even someone whose rhymes are as concise as 50 Cent’s (aka the rhymes of a preschooler) believes it is necessary to throw in the plague of an album – a skit. Why?

THE HIT (7)

50 Cent’s voice on here sounds like an up and coming R&B singer (or the second coming of P Diddy) compared to his growl now. Also, as much as people knock 50 cent for being too simplistic now, the man CAN write a hook, and this is a great example of how much you need to switch your style up to make it big. 50 Cent’s hook borderlines on TOO wordy here, but because of the internal rhymes he throws in it still sounds really good. This, however, sounds NOTHING like the 2-3 word hooks you would hear out of him nowadays. All in all, the sound wasn’t half bad, but it wasn’t as aggressive as what I’d like to hear out of 50.

THE GOOD DIE YOUNG (9)

Not only is the beat PIMP as hell, 50’s flow is once again sped up here, which sounds surprisingly good. Somehow 50 manages to blend sounding badass with a halfway decent flow, something I’ve come to expect him to COMPLETELY AVOID. This song pleasantly surprised me. Like ALOT.

CORNER BODEGA (COKE SPOT) (6)

Kind of a waste of my time. Half of this is a skit, half of this is an attempt at rapping a story, which 50 accomplishes on a much lesser level than say Raekwon or Slick Rick would.

YOUR LIFE’S ON THE LINE (10)

Also known as: 50 Cent’s best song.

THAT AIN’T GANGSTA (6)

What just happened? That’s two times in a row he showed the ceiling and basement of his rap career. The hook is downright HORRIBLE, and the production doesn’t really make all that much sense.

AS THE WORLD TURNS (7)

I’m assuming he’s returning to the colloquialism and not the show:

Although, judging by this, he may very well be referring to that second picture. All in all, UGK’s contribution isn’t bad, although the hook is typically trite.

GHETTO QU’RAN (8)

Also known as: The Reason 50 Cent got shot. Can’t say I blame him, though…who WOULDN’T think it’s a good idea to put the real names of known criminals in your publicly available song with the potential for them to end up in jail for 25 to life?

DA REPERCUSSIONS (7)

Anyone else find it ironic that 50 apparently knows enough about repercussions to make an entire song about it RIGHT AFTER THE SONG HE GOT SHOT OVER?

MONEY BY ANY MEANS (DB)

This was a waste of my time. NORE adds nothing to this musical experience, and 50 cent is just there (along with the beat).

MATERIAL GIRL 2000 (DB)

If you didn’t know from the title that this was gonna be a DB, then perhaps you need to read this site more (or listen to more hip hop)

THUG LOVE (DB)

Do me a favor and re-read that last comment.

SLOW DOE (8)

50 Cent breaks out of his slump, which is good for his sake since I was just about to space out and write a bunch of bullshit for the rest of this review. Unlike some of the previous songs (not counting the slump), this sounds more like something he might have done later in his career.

GUN RUNNER (8)

Wow. Maybe 50 Cent really WAS referring to the soap opera before. He’s on the list three times. THREE TIMES. REALLY?

YOU AIN’T NO GANGSTA (7)

I really can’t decide whether I hate or don’t mind the hook…regardless, I feel like this wouldn’t affect the final score that much.

POWER OF THE DOLLAR (8)

Although I don’t think it should have come at the exclusion of the last two tracks (for reasons you’ll see later), I feel like this should have been the last song on the CD (in terms of sequencing), because this is a great song for 50 Cent to ride out on, just like this picture, which MUST make a return

Ride Out

I’M A HUSTLER (8)

Nicely aggressive, and the scratching on the hook is a nice touch. For some reason, though, the beat sounds like it’s missing something, yet it’s still better than passable.

HOW TO ROB (AN INDUSTRY NIGGA) (10)

I used to think this was one of 50 Cent’s best songs. I still do.

So how was it?

It actually ended up better than I thought. The average song still ranks as an average song.

That sounds like something Yogi Berra would say…if he was retarded.

Fuck you. What I’m trying to say is that 50 cent is an average rapper, which shows on most of these tracks. He IS, however, a better songwriter than a rapper, so there are a few shining spots on this album.

Would you buy it?

Well it never got released, and was so heavily bootlegged in its time that I’m pretty sure you could take this from anywhere offline without anyone giving two shits. Burn it (which is the recommendation I probably would have given anyway).

One question.

What?

When 50 Cent is robbing Missy Elliott and Timbaland, who is he telling to give him the cash and who is he telling to put the hot dog down?

What do you mean?

Well one’s a fatass and the other’s a skeet.

Hmmm. I have NO CLUE.

The King of Opening Tracks

While going through a certain artist’s songs on my computer yesterday night, I happened to notice something: a ridiculous streak of songs to open up albums. This streak happened to belong to none other than Jay-Z. This post will definitely do nothing to convince people that I’m not overly-obsessed with Jay-Z (I really am not…I am willing to point out the man’s flaws just as I would with any other artist…he just has less to point out). Anyway, back to the point like a 1-guard, son hard, I’m all on your bitch on the beach I’m like sun guard, this post will show one of the many reasons I think Jay-Z is as good as he is. Not only does he have a tendency to avoid skits for intros (and if he uses them they usually blend into a song), but also his intro songs have a way of setting you up for the rest of the album…chances are, if you don’t like the intro you’re not going to like the rest of the album. Let’s have a looksee.

CAN’T KNOCK THE HUSTLE (10)

Not only is this video pimp, but it’s your first experience of Reasonable Doubt-era, smooth-talking, conversational flow Jay. He goes into a bunch of mafioso themes with a bunch of vividly descriptive rhymes, and remains consistent with these throughout the rest of the album. A DAMN good way to start off your discography.

A MILLION AND ONE QUESTIONS/RHYME NO MORE (10)

I WOULD include a video here, but they don’t have the right one on youtube. There’s actually two versions of this one…the one I’m talking about, and the Preemo remix. Now I know you would expect the Preemo remix to sound better, but since Preemo actually did both it’s not blasphemy to say that the original is better. Regardless, A Million and One Questions/Rhyme No More is yet another bangout start to an album, as the two parts to the song match perfectly with the two different ways Jay-Z went with the album – a more money-oriented, glossier pop sound, and a couple of the grimiest songs of his career. Sounds contradictory? Thank P. Diddy for what Jay-Z calls “the classic that got away”. Asshole.

HAND IT DOWN (7)

Preemo laces the SHIT out of yet another instrumental, except Jay-Z RETARDEDLY gives it to Memphis Bleek. So, you may be asking, why does this count? The answer is that Jay-Z ghostwrote this for Memphis Bleek, as he did for multiple songs when he somehow had the idea ingrained in him that Memphis Bleek had even a chance to blow up. This kind of makes me angry (as does most of Vol. 2, even though it’s his best selling album…but you can blame that on Hard Knock Life).

SO GHETTO HOVA SONG (INTRO) (6)

I’m kind of dissappointed/mindfucked here. I apparently deleted this intro and forgot it existed, mainly because it’s shitty and boring, and mentally replaced So Ghetto as the intro song, which is a 9 instead of a 6. I would post the link, but you don’t want to hear it. Shit, this kind of pokes a hole in my theory. Oh well, Vol. 3 was Jay-Z’s worst album anyway.

THE DYNASTY INTRO (9)

Holy shit this beat is unreal. Jay rides it pretty effortlessly, and has some sick lines, but doesn’t rip it consistently per se, keeping this from being a 10. This helps get my theory back on track, thankfully. AND YES THIS DOES COUNT, even though it’s “Roc La Familia”, because let’s face it Jay-Z was on like every track except for the one or two shittiest songs on this album. (I don’t remember the actual number and don’t feel like looking it up).

THE BLUEPRINT (8)

Jay rolls in triumphant over some soulful production from Kanye West. HMMMM…NOW I WONDER WHAT ALBUM THAT SOUNDS LIKE. Jay-Z had a chip on his shoulder after the two semi-disappointments Vol.3 and Roc La Familia, and came into this album with something to prove/wanting to establish his dominance, as this was right around the time of the Jay-Z/Nas feud and before Nas came out with Stillmatic. So yea, Jay had to come up big here (which he did).

A DREAM (9)

Jay-Z flips the same rhyme in multiple different schemes for longer than a minute, which is pretty damn impressive. The beat is also edgy and aggressive, which shines through on the best songs of Blueprint 2 (a bloated double album), and Jay-Z shows that he can flip back and forth between street intelligence and pop potential in the same song…sometimes even in the same line. I could have used more than the 1 verse on the beat and the a capella (of the same verse) at the end.

THE BLACK ALBUM INTRO

The first shitty intro skit. While this isn’t retarded like your average Redman skit, it does come off as slightly pretentious with Jay-Z half-insinuating that he’s the reason that 99% of rappers rap.

THE PRELUDE (9)

If I had to pick one opening song that COMPLETELY set the tone of the album, this would be it. Jay-Z kind of takes a backseat on this back, but his subliminals are as prevalent as ever, and the smooth production sounds awesome here (even though it isn’t this awesome throughout the entire CD). This is Kingdom Come in a nutshell, and if you don’t like it, well then you’re shit outta luck with the rest of the album and you probably lit yourself on fire when you heard 30 Something. I know I did, even though I liked this song.

AMERICAN GANGSTER INTRO

I know this is supposed to set up the album, which is intended to be cinematic and all, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that this is an intro skit.

WHAT WE TALKIN BOUT (9)

This gives The Prelude a run for its money in terms of how cohesive it is with the rest of the album. Unfortunately, along with The Prelude, this is better than most of the other songs on the album. I really like the electro/synth/hip hop mashup of this song, and somehow the hook doesn’t bother me, but it’s really the subliminals/going after any remaining detractors that make this track for me.

 

Is that it? Is this what you call a post nowadays?

Yea, that’s pretty much it. I dare any one of my readers to find an artist with a better track record of introductory songs. I did this using only the first tracks on every album, I bypassed no skits or any of that bullshit. Pure opening tracks. And now I’m done with this post, and will be heading home TOMORROW, at which point I will be preparing for the Pilgrims and Indians theme party I’m going to Wednesday. Pimp.

Oh really? How are you getting home?

I’m riding home on an ass….YOUR MOTHER’S ASS

The Plan of All Plans

After a recent dialogue with a commenter on this ISSS, I have come up with a plan, which I shall tentatively call “The Plan of All Plans”. It may not be as good as “The Story of Stories”, but that’s another story. (Get it?)

Rather than telling you the point of this plan, however, I will simply start unfurling my plan, which I think is a shitload more exciting to read.

I want to play this RIGHT NOW

Step 1: Purchase an abandoned warehouse Steal an abandoned warehouse. Now I know I COULD just purchase an abandoned warehouse (in my imagination with imaginary dollars), but stealing it would be a lot more fun. I have two ways of doing this, either A) under the cover of darkness, fly in with a military helicopter that I paid off a pilot to ‘lose’ in the heat of combat and airlift it out to a discrete and private location, or B) just break in. Regardless, I KNOW I will have some help if I want to steal something as badass as stealing a warehouse.

Step 2: Get fashion designer Funky Matthew to design the interior of the abandoned warehouse to look like a shitty old basement that a serial killer/pedophile might have. This will not be hard, all he will probably have to do is put up a couple of Bill O’Reilly or Glen Beck posters.

Step 3: Infiltrate a bodyguarding company that caters to celebrities. Pretend to work there for a month until people mentally accept the fact that you work there.

Step 4: Befriend a large and jovial black bodyguard. Ask for information regarding Target R, and eventually pay him off to provide a 30 second slip in coverage of Target R in which the following steps can take place.

Step 5: Talk to your friendly assassin for hire. You will probably not even need to pay him, because he will want to do it for fun. Although he doesn’t get to kill Target R, he will get to hold him up (with a crossbow) in order to kidnap him, and this will be good enough.

Step 6: Have assassin break into a corporation and kidnap Target R, bringing him to the top of the building, at which point the military helicopter returns and airlifts both of them. This reminds me, I forgot Step 5A: Befriend Quentin Tarantino, and pay him to call in Target R for talks. They should meet at a pre-determined skyscraper/corporation building.

Step 7: Bring Target R (blindfolded of course) into the warehouse, and introduce him (if you’re paying attention, this is the first time you know it’s a he) to the shitty beatmaking equipment he will now be working on (under penalty of death).

Step 8: Allow Target R to work his magic, and bring beats to Target W.

Step 9: Become a Musical Executive

Step 10: Sign Target W. Influence their decisions by subliminal messaging (playing my advice repeatedly on a tape player in their rooms while they are sleeping). Pretend they came up with the idea themselves.

Step 11: Release the album.

Step 12: Release Target R.

COMPLETION.

I would have put the image from the end of the level, but I couldn't find it anywhere

Now my plan might still seem hazy, but now that I unfurled my whole plan, I will explain everything (like they do at the end of The Sting, a NASTY MOVIE).

Target R – The RZA

Target W – The rest of the Wu-Tang Clan

My plan is to kidnap The RZA, put him back in a shitty basement with shitty equipment like he was at the start of his career, force him to make NASTY gritty sounding beats instead of the glossy, hollywood-sounding piffle (I just wanted to use the word piffle) he has been making recently. By integrating the threat of a serial killer/pedophile/Fox News watcher, he will be scared shitless, undoubtedly working extra hard on these beats. I will then give these beats to the rest of the Wu, dividing them up into 2 teams, and getting them to finally make the hypothesized album Shaolin vs. Wu-Tang

 

Shaolin

Raekwon

Ghostface

Cappadonna

U-God

Wu-Tang

Method Man

GZA

Inspectah Deck

Masta Killa

 

Each group will make 5 songs, featuring only members of their group. They don’t have to use all of the members in the group, just some combination of them. After the 5 songs, they will make one posse cut, featuring everyone. Once the album is released, I will release RZA and act like nothing happened. This is my plan of plans.

Return to the 36 Chambers: The Dirty Version

Oh my gooseness I write these posts so far apart. Aside from the fact that I have a lot of other bullshit I’m working on (since we all know anything you write besides an ISSS post is bullshit), I’m kind of running out of music here. I know I have a bunch of other albums listed on my grand list of albums, but I’m avoiding most of them for one reason or another, so PLEASE SEND ME SOME RECOMMENDATIONS. Last time I got recommendations worked out really well since I got the sleeper gem of the year, The Main Ingredient.

Alright, I guess I’ll start by saying that this album is an acquired taste. First and foremost, it’s ODB. He may or may not have been a bit of a crackhead, so the rapping on here is anything but what people are normally accustomed to. Secondly, this album consists of almost entirely Wu-handled production which turns some people off (these people also happen to be douchebags). If you read these two comments and have any qualms about starting this album, watch this video:

100 times until you think it’s awesome and then continue.

Return to the 36 Chambers: The Dirty Version Album Cover

INTRO

If you still had any questions about whether ODB was a crackhead, this pretty much erased them, especially when he talks about how he got gonorrhea and fell in love with someone within 10 minutes and then killed them. If you don’t find this funny, then I have a news flash for you: you’re probably going to hate the rest of the album. Just because it’s funny the first time, though, doesn’t mean you need to listen to it more than once.

SHIMMY SHIMMY YA (10)

Probably ODB’s most widely-known song. The repetitive piano loop is somehow both grimy while maintaining a pop-level of catchiness. This brings back memories for me of Wu-Tang concerts (because ever since his death, any concerts of the entire Wu or a solo member always feature this song as a toast to ODB). For some reason, even the repeated verse and the verse played in reverse in the middle don’t even bother me out of this high a score. Huh.

BABY C’MON (7)

The beat change here is welcome, given that the first beat is overly simplistic, and at this point ODB is not too dusted out to spit some semi-coherent flows, so this song is halfway decent.

BROOKLYN ZOO (10)

My favorite, and arguably ODB’s best, song. ODB actually has a number of SICK battle-style lines here, the instrumental (which, rumor has it, he cooked up himself) is infectious, and did I mention the video is awesome?

There’s a reason this is my ringtone.

HIPPA TO DA HOPPA (7)

Isn’t a little early in the album for you to be re-using some of your own lines, ODB? Regardless, I kind of like how the instrumental is at times a mashed up clusterfuck of ideas, and ODB’s lines that AREN’T reused are pretty funny, mainly because they deal with things like women’s feces and toe fungus.

RAW HIDE (8)

While ODB is even more all over the place than usual, he somehow manages to make it back just in time for the end of the bar. This reminds me of a joke by a comedian whose name I can’t remember who talks about how you go the park in NYC and see these old guys doing yoga and you think it’s beautiful until you get closer and realize it’s these strung out guys who come close but never fall down, but since I can’t remember the guy’s name I won’t bother to tell you the joke. Wait I just did. Regardless, ODB ends up having the worst verse, and Method Man earns bonus points for referencing Macbeth (where witches put period blood in stew).

DAMAGE (9)

Is this too much to ask for? An upbeat collaboration, and a borderline spitfest? Why can’t stuff like this happen more often? This is EXACTLY the kind of stuff I hope to find when I’m going through Wu albums.

DON’T YOU KNOW (DB)

Reuses lyrics from this:

which may or may not be infinity times more entertaining.

THE STOMP (7)

While the beat is pretty useless, ODB’s lyrics are pretty solid and actually resurface in this much better song:

To reiterate, though To iterate, though (look it up, that’s the right word), the beat is a drum loop and that’s it.

GOIN’ DOWN (8)

Even though the first 2 minutes are fairly useless, once the beat drops it is pretty sick and moody, and ODB randomly stopping to sing Over The Rainbow is actually hilarious. Also hilarious, is this video, in which a few of these lyrics appear:

DRUNK GAME (SWEET SUGAR PIE) (DB)

Somehow, ODB isn’t completely terrible at singing. I can’t believe I just said that. Also, if you don’t laugh at ODB’s fake orgasm, then you completely need to lighten up. Regardless, this isn’t worth your time. Watch this instead:

SNAKES (8)

This is the most coherent song on the album. In fact, it actually surprised me with its coherence given videos like this:

All in all, a solid song all members present spit a little somethin somethin about people who are secretly out to get you (behind your back).

BROOKLYN ZOO II (TIGER CRANE)

I can go all day with the ODB videos.

Other than that, there was ABSOLUTELY NO REASON FOR THIS TO BE 7+ MINUTES LONG, especially when ODB reuses his own lyrics from Damage.

PROTECT YA NECK II IN THE ZOO (6)

While there are still too many people on this song and the beat gets annoying after say a minute or two, I approve of this posse cut if only for the appearance of ODB’s rapping cousin, Shorty Shit Stain. I kid you not.

CUTTIN HEADZ (8)

Supposedly, this is the Clan In Da Front instrumental played in reverse, which I don’t doubt in the least. This song doesn’t overstay its welcome like the last few have, and, as such, ends up getting a better score. ODB has also returned to coherency alongside RZA, making this song a nice break from the reality of the majority of this album.

DIRTY DANCIN’ (6)

Barely passable if not for Method Man’s slickness alongside the instrumental that sounds like you’re the bad guy creeping along in a horror movie.

HARLEM WORLD (DB)

This song is kind of retarded, like showing up in a limo to collect food stamps:

 

Is this album worth a buy?

Well, 11 of the 17 songs are worth it, but this is definitely a polarizing album; people who aren’t complete Wu freaks may actually HATE this album, but if you build yourself up to the status of a Killa Bee, you may find yourself listening to this one day.

Did you run out of ODB videos yet?

No, actually I didn’t.

How about one more for the road?

Well it’s not technically a video in the sense of the other ones, but it does make me laugh just listening to it.

Illadelph Halflife Review

New post miracle?

I’m not gonna lie, I actually have no clue why I just wrote that first sentence. Actually I do have a clue why, it was because I found it funny. Why I found it funny, however, I really don’t actually have a clue.

Now some of you may be wondering why I’m writing this post on a Friday night. The answer is simple. Everyone is sick so there are no parties going on, even though I am satisfactorily vaccinated. Against seasonal flu, only though, because H1N1 doesn’t exist. And it’s for pussies.

Now that I’m done with this half-assed

Get it?

introduction, I will say “This is the Root’s most critically acclaimed album, and it’s called Illadelph Halflife.

Illadelph Halflife Album Cover

INTRO

I like how this pieces together the collective consciousness of the Roots at this time. Other than that, it’s still an intro.

RESPOND/REACT (9)

You should already know my feelings on this song.

SECTION (9)

While I feel like ?uestlove could have calmed it down a bit on the drums (the snare is a LOT louder than it really needs to be) the rest of the Roots once again play their part on here, chilling out and letting Black Thought and Malik B rip shit up for the second consecutive time. The horns (if that’s what they are?) in the background make this song sound spaced out, with which both MCees take full liberty switching up their flow erratically (but awesomely).

PANIC!!! (8)

The title really does say it all. The instrumental is chaotic as hell, and Black Thought spits a verse that makes the city sound like an apocalypse, and given that this doesn’t overstay its welcome at roughly a minute and a half, this is pretty nice.

IT JUST DON’T STOP (8)

I’ve said it before (in previous posts) and I’ll say it again…The Roots are clearly ridiculously skilled, but WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE SO DAMN DEPRESSING ALL THE TIME? That’s why I think “How I Got Over” will end up being great. What does all this have to do with this song? EVERYTHING…this song is an 8 in terms of skill, but how often will I listen to it? I feel like a Zoloft commercial after listening to this.

EPISODES (7)

Not only does the echo effect become annoying over the course of the song, but this song feels like a continuation of the last one…I literally had to check to see whether the next song ended after I realized the same sound had been going on for the last 10 minutes. Consider this your warning, Roots.

PUSH UP YA LIGHTER (7)

If you couldn’t tell by the song title or the bubbling sound effect in the background, this is the token weed song. The spaciness of the instrumental and bubbling most likely sound good ONLY when high, however, because they are bothering the shit out of me right now.

WHAT THEY DO (10)

Not only is the song awesome, but the video KICKS HIP HOP’S ASS. Yup, you read that right. Sweetness.

? Vs. Scratch

Interlude with Rahzel doing a damn convincing beatbox. I miss stuff like this. I just said that like I was there when stuff like this was happening. I am a liar.

CONCERTO OF THE DESPERADO (10)

Black Thought and Malik B are both damn consistent and damn impressive on here, and since the beat here is crazily cool (and so is the video), this is yet another 10. At this point I am REALLY HAPPY I decided to review this album despite the fact that I have a pounding headache.

CLONES (9)

Holy shit this album is just filled with spitfests. Is it just me or does M.A.R.S sound like Ghostface? (Even though that kind of defeats the purpose of this song). I’m not going to lie, other listeners might not like this album as much as me, but that could only be due to the simplicity of the instrumentals. Make no mistake son it’s Jake One he makes beats well like I likes my steaks done. Make no mistake, the focus on this album is lyrical ripping, a point I am perfectly fine with.

UNIverse AT WAR (7)

If I actually ever got any comments on this site, I would expect the comments on this post to be proclaiming my rating of this song as heresy, considering it’s a Roots song featuring Common. This, however, is a slightly annoying instrumental with Common spitting a verse that’s average (for him), and the snare is making my headache even worse. While that might sound like a bullshit excuse for rating a song, especially since I already had a headache, if I didn’t have a headache it would still have annoyed me and I still would have given this the same grade. So fuck you.

NO ALIBI (8)

?uestlove seems to have taken my last comments into consideration, because he chills out on the snare this time around and brings back the jazz, over which Malik B and Black Thought do what they always do.

DAVE VS. US

Sax interlude that isn’t Yakkety Sax. Go figure.

I love Chris Andersen…he’s actually my favorite player currently in the NBA, but that was DAMN EMBARASSING.

NO GREAT PRETENDER (8)

As good as all these songs are, reviewing this CD is damn exhausting. Practically ever song is over 4 minutes and they are all very similar in format, which hurts the replay value of this CD. This song is more of the same.

THE HYPNOTIC (7)

And now The Roots have slipped back into depression. I’m begging you, Roots, don’t practice self-destructive behavior, because to do that would be to surrender, and surrender equals death, and death is for pussies. I realize that’s not the right clip, but it IS still from the same hilarious show.

ITAL (THE UNIVERSAL SIDE) (8)

Somehow Q-Tip manages to hold his own alongside Black Thought. I’m actually gonna stop you right there (Once again, same show, wrong clip)…it is damn near IMPOSSIBLE to listen through this entire CD in a row without taking a mental health break or something. IT’S SO LONG (that’s what she said) AND ALL THE SAME. SEE HOW INCOHERENT I AM RIGHT NOW? IT’S BECAUSE I’M GOING STRAIGHT THROUGH THIS CD.

ONE SHINE (8)

Holy shit this instrumental is pimp. This is the best instrumental on the CD other than Concerto of the Desperado. ?uestlove keeps the drums real light and jazzy, the harmonizing is ‘baby-makin music’, the bassline is downright funky, and the horns add a nice free-structured touch. SEE? I can talk about the instrumentals too (even though I haven’t really done so on the rest of this album. Oops, my point was just rendered irrelevant since I remembered this is a full-length musical interlude. Shit.

THE ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND (DB)

Spoken-word psycho-babble bullshit. But that’s just my opinion.

OUTRO

Pointless.

 

HOLY PISS YOU’RE ACTUALLY DONE WITH THIS REVIEW. DID IT FEEL GOOD TO GET IT DONE?

Yes, since I’ve had this lying around since forever and never got around to it till now. Now I’m going to not listen to any more music for the rest of the day since I’m completely burned out.

BUY OR BURN?

This album is absolutely phenomenal at multiple points and has a bunch of streaks of good songs. It’s length just makes it wearisome. BUY IT.

ANY ADVICE?

Don’t listen to this all in one sitting. Enjoy it over time. Oh, and don’t try and drive on The BIRDMAN.

You Had To Know This Was Coming

The Yankees Win.

Now which did you know was coming…this post or the fact that they would win?

BET did something right?

I know…that sounds completely retarded, especially given the fact that anything on their channel is a piece of shit, they play horrible music and ban music videos for ‘being too intelligent for their target audience’ (because it was satirical of hip hop music video sterotypes a la ‘What They Do’),  and this travishamockery:

Yup, you guessed it, they banned that too. What a piece of shit.

ANYWAY, the one thing I guess I can allow them to continue is the ciphers they have been including in their annual awards shows. With Preemo on the wheels of steel and a mix of up and comers and living legends? Somehow, they pulled their heads out of their asses long enough to throw these together (and have done so for the last few years). Anyway, this years just came out, which I promptly watched, inspiring this post (which will be a cakewalk for me since it will mainly involve the posting of videos and just enough analysis to keep you from wondering why I even bothered).

ROUND ONE – NICKI MINAJ, BUCKSHOT, CROWN ROYAL, and JOE BUDDEN

Meager attempt at analysis:

What the hell is wrong with Nicki Minaj? She doesn’t know whether she wants to sound like a slut, a Lil Wayne clone, or a hamster that inhaled helium. Personally, I believe she is secretly all three. I’m not gonna lie, Buckshot disappointed, because he didn’t sound anything like what you might expect an old-school MC would spit, and had next to no punchlines. Now I realize he’s not a punchline rapper, but I mean that is kinda the point of a cipher like this where you have so little time and are trying to prove you’re not washed up. Whatever. Crown Royal sounded exactly like I expected him to sound given that BET declared him their Hot 16 Winner of the Year, but Joe Budden surprisingly didn’t bitch about anything and actually did better than decent, having the best verse of this cipher easily, especially with his SICK ASS FINISHING LINE.

ROUND TWO – WALE, NIPSEY HUSSLE, GSAN, and KRS-1

Meager attempt at analysis:

I’m not gonna lie, for the most part Wale’s verse was pretty boring except for this AWESOME FUCKIN LINE:

“I’m in the Black Yukon, know what the ‘ell I mean?”

AKA

“I’m in the Black UCONN, know what the El-Amin?”

BAM. AWESOMENESS.

College Greatness, NBA (europe) Balla

Other than that, Nipsey Hussle was a bore, GSAN was unintentionally hilarious…well, let me explain.

Regardless of whether this sounds fucked up or not, I laughed during his verse. This is the second year in a row BET has had a foreign rapper come and spit on the cipher, which is not a problem, it just results in unintentionally funny things, like when all the people in the background don’t know when to yell “OHHHHH” and just do it at the end of the verse, or when GSAN starts looking at people when he’s spitting his verse and they have NO CLUE what he’s saying about them. It’s like a mix of Dylan from Chappelle’s Making The Band when he’s in the studio and the Barbershop Freestyle from the White People Can’t Dance sketch (I would have included links but copyrights suck). Also, he has some lines like this:

“I’m entering every spot, even when I don’t wear a tie”

Finally, KRS-1 ends up having the best verse, mainly because he appears to be the only one who is actually freestyling. All in all, a subpar second round.

ROUND THREE – MOS DEF, BLACK THOUGHT, and EMINEM

Meager attempt at analysis:

None needed. You already know this is going to be NASTY. I’m not even that much of an Eminem fan compared to others I know, and he murdered the FUCK out of this.

“Used to bomb ya like Saddam but now that I’m a little calmer

I’m a fuckin cross between Osama, Dahmer, Obama, and Dalai Lama”

SERIOUSLY?

 

Also, as a little bonus, I will add these two from previous years since I didn’t cover either of them when they came out:

ACE HOOD, JUELZ SANTANA, FABOLOUS, and JADAKISS (2008)

AKA the Mixtape Lover’s Wet Dream. Ace Hood manages not to royally fuck anything up, Juelz actually comes the hardest I’ve ever heard from him, Fabolous has some funny ass one liners, and then Jadakiss comes in for the kill.

STYLES P, PAPOOSE, and LUPE FIASCO (2007)

Needless to say, Lupe dominates this.

One of my favorite ciphers, however, is not from big name stars like the ones above. This heatrock is straight from a relatively unknown group, Die Prinzen:

 

You’re Welcome.